Armor of God

People often assume that James and I have the perfect marriage. They hear we’ve been together for 15 years, married for 12 and assume that we have it all figured out. Ha! If only.

They only thing we’ve really figured out is that marriage is a lot harder than we thought.

Something we’ve been talking about a lot is the idea that we have to start over with God as our foundation. You see, when we got married, we weren’t Christians. James had been a Catholic, but I didn’t grow up in church. We started visiting a church in 2006 an became members in 2009. So our faith journeys began, pretty separately. And now, all these years later, it has become abundantly clear that merely weaving our faith journeys together isn’t the same as laying a foundation with God.

So, we’ve begun working on starting over in this way. I bought James a couples devotional for Christmas, but I decided to go ahead and give it to him now so we could get started and we’ve been faithful in reading it daily. I’m not trying to brag, I’m only saying, I’m actually proud of us because it’s never easy to change a routine – especially an early morning routine.

Our 2nd reading was on the armor of God. In the letter to the Ephesians, Paul writes, “This is why you must take up the full armor of God, so that you may be able to resist in the evil day, and having prepared everything, to take your stand,” (6:13 HCSB). The writer of the devotion, focused on the idea of being soldiers together, us-against-the-world. It was a good devotion, but I wanted to spend some more time focusing on the armor itself.

So, I turned to scripture. After telling the Ephesians to put on the armor of God, he then explains what that is:

“Stand, therefore, with truth like a belt around your waist, righteousness like armor on your chest, and your feet sandaled with readiness for the gospel of peace.
In every situation take the shield of faith, and with it you will be able to extinguish
all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is God’s word.”

• The belt of TRUTH
• The breastplate of RIGHTEOUSNESS (NIV translation)
• The sandals of PEACE
• The shield of FAITH
• The helmet of SALVATION
• The sword of the SPIRIT (SCRIPTURE)

What does that mean in marriage?

This is just my interpretation, of course,  but I think the truth of marriage is that spouses love one another. No matter how angry you get with each other, no matter how much you fear the other doesn’t love you, no matter the sins you’ve committed against each other, the truth is – you love each other. I love my husband and he loves me. I arm myself with the belt of truth when I carry that reminder of his love for my and my love for him.

When we ensure that we treat each other without sin, we put on the breastplate of righteousness. We must be righteous with one another. We can’t allow our anger or our fear to dictate our actions. That always leads down a road to sin. We have to be cautious when we’re angry or fearful and ensure that righteousness is what is guiding us.

Our feet must be ready to walk in peace. This one, to me, is pretty self explanatory. Dont’ seek arguments. Don’t look for trouble. Respond peacefully when your spouse does something hurtful, because let’s face it, sometimes we inadvertently hurt one another. But always be ready to respond peacefully. We are at war… but not with each other.

The shield of faith keeps out the arrows of the enemy. This one is my favorite one by far, but it is no more important than any of the other pieces of armor. The shield of faith is two-fold, I think. First, it is your faith in God. I believe that God loves me and cares for me and is working on my marriage right alongside me. But if I stop there, I won’t be fully protected from the enemies arrows. It’s all too easy to believe that although I’m working on my marriage and God is working with me, my husband is not. That arrow of the enemy allows slips past my shield if I don’t have the second part in place. The other part of the shield of faith is believing in my husband. I have to have faith in him. I have to believe that he is working on our marriage with me. I have to believe that he loves me and cares for me and isn’t working against me.

The helmet of salvation is another simple one to understand – it’s Christ salvation for us as individuals and as a couple. Christ died for our sins. He died for my man and He died for me and He wants us together. Our testimony is stronger together and Christ’s salvation covers our sins against one another. Because we will inevitable sin against one another.

The sword of the Sprit which is the word of God is the scriptures we use to fortify ourselves and each other. We read scripture, we memorize scripture, so that we can use it later to fight the enemies lies.

Because let me make this perfectly clear – the enemy wants nothing more that to split couples apart. Our testimony is stronger together. It is weaker apart. The good we have done and will do would be forever tainted by our split and that is want the enemy, that old devil Satan, wants. I refuse to give in to him. I refuse to listen to his lies and I refuse to let him win. Don’t you let him win, either.

My terrible drawing…

 

Leaving a Legacy

Today’s Scripture: Selections from Genesis 24

This is a long narrative. It is told from the perspective of the servant named Eliezer The beginning of the reading is at verse 34, once the servant meets Rebekah, it begins where the servant recounts the events to her brother Laben. Genesis 24:6-28 the initial events transpire and it is in 33-48 the servant recounts the events to Laben.

In the uniting of Isaac and Rebekah we find an arranged marriage. Arranged marriage in Western culture does not have very much hold. I imagine most Americans cringe at the thought of having arranged marriages. The idea that someone other than ourselves would make for us one of the most important decisions in our lives is downright ludicrous. I mean, who would know what we need better than ourselves? We know ourselves better than anyone else and so therefore no one else should make that decision for us. That is what our culture asserts, but in Israelite culture, arranged marriages were common.

Why do we need to hear about this marriage? The easy answer is because this was in Abraham’s family. But of course this wasn’t just anyone, it was Isaac – Abraham’s son God promised to Sarah.

This story was important for us to hear not just for the sake of learning history; Isaac was not only going to receive the covenant with God from Abraham, but he was going to produce an heir that would continue to grow the nation of father Abraham.

 

---

So looking at where we are in the Abraham story, the almost-sacrifice of Isaac story happened in chapter 22. Immediately after that is a short genealogy. Next, we learn that Sarah, Abraham’s wife, Isaac’s mother, has died. It is in chapter 23 we hear about the burial of Sarah. This is a very important ordeal to Abraham. And even though Isaac’s name is not mentioned here, it is safe to assume that he takes it very seriously too.

Abraham begins to look to the future of his family now. Abraham makes plans to arrange the marriage of his son to continue his family. He doesn’t go himself since he is so advanced in age, so he instead sends a servant. The man is given the task of finding Isaac a wife. Abraham has very specific instructions too. The woman must be from within Abraham’s family in the land he originally came from, the land of the Chaldeans.

The woman cannot be from Canaan. But, the servant also can’t just take Isaac out of this land – this is the land that God promised! So the woman must be brought from that land and back to the land of Canaan. The servant’s name was Eliezer. He swore to Abraham that he would follow his commands.

When he comes to a place in the land, he visits the well. This is the place where he was likely to encounter the most people. Not only that, the women of the households within the town would likely visit the well twice a day to draw water for their families. It is in this place that the man prays for God to move. He prays for what to this family would be a paramount event in its history. And this man was right to pray – the grand significance of finding the next mother of the family line was in his hands.

It was one of those unmistakable God moments that just happen in life.

Have any of you had those happen? They seem to just happen in our greatest moments of desperation. When we are in need of help with bills, someone we know just steps up and catches us before we fall.

When life seems to have hit a dead end, and all reasons to wake up in the morning seem to have drifted away, God gives you work to do – and not just any work, His work!

God steps in and breathes life into you all over again. Abraham’s servant was praying for this to happen. The amazing thing is, the sign that he prayed for God to show him was exactly the way that things came to pass.

When the first woman at the well that the servant Eliezer sees is a relative of Abraham, it is clear to him God has stepped in. This is no coincidence. Abraham commanded him to find a woman from his family, and here is Rebekah, Abraham’s niece.

As the story goes on, Eliezer talks to Laben, Rebekah’s brother. He proceeds to retells the entire story. (This is part of the reason this chapter is so long) When we come to verse 49 of chapter 24 NLT, we find these words:

⁴⁹ “So tell me – will you or won’t you show unfailing love and faithfulness to my master? Please tell me yes or no, and then I’ll know what to do next.” ⁵⁰ Then Laben and Bethuel replied, “The Lord has obviously brought you here, so there is nothing we can say. ⁵¹ Here is Rebekah; take her and go. Yes, let her be the wife of your master’s son, as the Lord has directed.

It is confirmed! This is a God moment. God’s hand is moving here and we are foolish if we try to deny it! They see that God has helped Abraham and his servant find a wife. This wife who will be Rebekah is the woman who will give the family the next heir to the covenant with God. The agreement is made and in that moment, Eliezer is said to have bowed down and worshiped The Lord. (appropriate response right?)

Gold and silver is gifted to Rebekah and her parents. There is a moment when Rebekah’s parents ask to keep her for at least the next 10 days before she is taken away to live in the land of Abraham. That seems like a pretty reasonable request given that they may not see her again for a very long time. But Eliezer insists that since God has made his mission successful, he must hurry and leave immediately.

Here is where Rebekah shows a little more of her character. She doesn’t mind not staying the extra 10 days her parents requested. We might see this as her taking initiative. Even at the well when she met the servant, Rebekah was a woman of initiative. She is allowing God’s plan to work through her.

As the loose ends are tied up, the goodbyes were said and they left for Isaac in the Negev.

After the long trip as they coming up to Isaac, Rebekah covers her face with a veil. As they meet each other, The servant recounts the story to Isaac too. The second to last verse of the chapter – 24:66, it says, The servant told Isaac everything he had done.

It is the final verse of the chapter that I want to move into for the remainder of our time together.

⁶⁷And Isaac brought Rebekah into his mother Sarah’s tent, and she became his wife. He loved her deeply, and she was a special comfort to him after the death of his mother.

So it was settled, they were married and she became the matriarch of the encampment that once belonged to Abraham.

There are two great significances of this story that we have today: First is the obvious one; the passing of a legacy now that Isaac has inherited the estate and he is married, he can produce the family an heir. Abraham needed Isaac to start a family if the promise God gave him to be meaningful. This last verse lets love be the flavor of God’s consistently fulfilled promise.

The second significant point is the presence of love. I may seem odd to bring this up, but there are only two places in Genesis that a man and woman are said to be in love – this verse in chapter 24:67, and later also in the stories about Jacob and his love of Rachael. In Genesis there is little talk about marital love outside of these two couples.

In this one verse, not much is said, just that Rebekah “was special comfort to him after the death of his mother.” As I mentioned in the beginning, in between the sacrifice of Isaac and today’s passage, we learned that Sarah had passed away. Abraham was shown in chapter 23 to care deeply for the purchase of her resting place. I expect Isaac felt just as heartbroken when Sarah finally passed away.

The death of a parent – what a common thing to need your spouse for! When life gives you the hardest times, we need the person in our family closest to us. In this simple statement, we can know that Rebekah was for Isaac a true companion supporting him with compassion in his time of grief.

This is where culture difference gets in the way. When we as Americans hear the phrase “arranged marriage” we tend to assume that loving the other person will be difficult. We see here that this isn’t the case. These two people didn’t choose each other.

Personal preference played no role in them becoming a married couple. One day they just had a spouse, period. They had to love the other person in all the ways that work for all people – compassion, attentiveness, gentleness, kindness, and patience. Isaac and Rebekah didn’t have the luxury of “test-driving” their spouse to judge whether or not it would be an “easy marriage.” Deciding on a spouse based on their personal preferences wasn’t an option for them.

Let me tell you one thing right now ladies and gentlemen, there are no “easy marriages”. That isn’t to say that individuals can’t be perfect fits for one another. I like to think that my wife and I are great for each other. (I better say that – tomorrow is our anniversary!) But all marriages take a huge amount of sacrifice on both sides of the table if it is ever going to work.

To put it another way, Compatibility is no substitute for the genuine self-sacrificial love. The marriage was only going to be what they were willing to make of it. That was going to take work, submission, and profound love coming from both parties.

If God is going to be in this nation, there better be love. In the case of Isaac and Rebekah, there was! It was so present that it even served as an example for their son Jacob to marry a woman for love.

The Old Testament patriarchs of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob may have given the Israelite nation a far from perfect start, we can be sure that there was love present in it too.

So as we conclude our time in Genesis, we have gained some insight about not just Jewish history, but human history. It is rooted in stories. The stories are often messy and confusing, but they are our stories. We all have a legacy that God wants to work into our lives.

In what ways might God call your family leave its mark of love in this community?

Also thinking of how we and our families have not left a loving impression on the world, what is God calling you to heal, to overcome, or to change?

Us – A Scripture for Marriage and Relationships

“Since you put away lying, Speak the truth, each one to his neighbor, because we are members of one another. Be angry and do not sin. Don’t let the sun go down your anger, and give the Devil an opportunity. The thief must no longer steal. Instead, he must do honest work with his own hands, so that he has something to share with anyone in need. No foul language is to come from your mouth, but only what is good for building up someone in need, so that it gives grace to those who hear. And don’t grieve God’s Holy Spirit. You were sealed by Him for the day of redemption. All bitterness, anger and wrath, shouting and slander must be removed from you, along with all malice. And be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving one another, just as God also forgave you in Christ.” Ephesians 4: 25-32 HSCB

I’d like to give some insight into us and taking a bit of liberty to talk about our marriage. Typically I would put off talking about relationships for quite a while (February may seem the most fitting), but I thought with it being my anniversary and all, I might speak from the heart better today than any other day. I hope that speaking from my own perspective can show how things have (more or less) worked out for us.

I also want to say that I hope I speak clearly so that today’s message will communicate to all types of relationships; family, friendships, and otherwise. Tension and life’s hardships can potentially test all relationships, and all can be either weakened or strengthened based on our choices.
—————————————————-

Every couple has landmarks in their marriage they enjoy talking about….

We met Oct. 11, 2002
We were engaged June 18, 2003(I proposed using her grandmother’s wedding ring)
We were married July 10, 2005
First time in church together Easter ‘06
We had Dylan Aug. ‘06
Bought our first car together ‘07
We had Ollie June ‘08
We had Kari Sep. ‘09
First Florida family vacation ‘’13
Bought first house March ‘15
And we had Sam April ‘15

There are other landmarks that don’t come out in casual conversation.They are often harder to talk about. These are the ones that are vital points in our relationship. When they happened, it meant things would never be the same again:

• When Crystal’s Grandmother was dying of colon cancer, I was there at her side.
(It held a lasting impression)
• When I started blue collar work and was making less than annually than my wife.
• When I wrecked the car again (and we just paid it off!)
– we had to rewrite the budget to fit in a new car payment
• When I began night shift work and we had to find a way to feel like a married couple
despite having opposite schedules.

All were sources of tension, but each of them was a valuable trial where we were made stronger for having gone through them.

In our scripture, Paul had some words to say about relationships that probably stand out to us:
He said, “Be angry and do not sin”
Who here feel like that is a bit of an oxymoron?
Don’t we often think of anger as a sin? We often convince ourselves that it is, but that isn’t exactly true. What the bible does say is that when we do feel angry, it must be communicated carefully and sonstructively. If anger is vented thoughtlessly, we can hurt others and create deep, impassable rifts in our relastionships with others.

Have anyone of you ever fought with your spouse? …A bit right? Some couples argue a lot, others not so much. But, all of us fight some, but that doesn’t mean we feel okay about fighting with our significant others. I would venture to say that all of us fight more often than we would like (or maybe I’m the only one wishing I could fight less with my spouse).

It is the “DO NOT SIN” part that is so hard.
How can we be compassionate when others don’t live up to our expectations? We may have a problem that needs resolution, but we don’t want to hurt him them either.

Now, I will say that if our unmet expectations lead us to feel angry and we don’t say anything, it can cause more harm than good.

Let me give you the example of my parents:
My parents were married up until the time I was in high school. Through my school years, mom stayed at home mom raising me and my two brothers. It wasn’t until they split that she got a job.

My dad has always been a very quiet person and never cared to share much about himself. I don’t think he shared his feelings much with my mother, either. I later found out that my dad had always expected that my mom would go back to work when my brothers and I entered elementary school. My mom on the other hand didn’t intend on it. My dad resented my mom for it and the unresolved tension was one of the things that pushed them apart.

I think my father was trying to do the right thing and not show the anger he felt. His alternative to anger was to hide it, to bottle it up. That is when bitterness started to grow. Bitter resentment is a cancerous feeling. If we keep quiet, feelings don’t get to be shared. Eventually we may act worse than we would have acted initially had we not bottled it up.

So, Say something! But still, we are to remove “all bitterness, anger and wrath, shouting and slander” from the way we argue.

I don’t mean to sound contradictory. It is understandable to be angry. I just think Paul eventually wants us to remove anger from our hearts and minds all together.

That is a tall order.

I think in the case of my parents, if they had just fought a little bit more maybe the bitterness wouldn’t have come between them. I don’t mean to be funny when I say that. But honestly, the way people bicker and argue can be fun to joke about, too.

Most comedians at some point end up talking about their relationships. They use them as a huge draw for some of their material. Just look at Ray Romano. He started on David Letterman joking about family (in a good spirited way or course), but before long he started the sitcom, “Everybody loves Raymond” where all they seemed to do was argue and fight with each other.

Of course Ray Romano is not the only one to do this…
From “Mike and Molly” to “The Honeymooners”, relational comedy is a sitcom favorite. In the first season of I love Lucy, a personal favorite of mine, the character Fred Mertz clears things up for Lucy one day when she is worried about Ricky’s feelings for her.
“Lucy, sooner or later every woman gets the feeling that her husband wants to kill her, and she’s usually right.”

No matter how much we may be able to laugh at ourselves, there is a lot of truth in the messages we will find.

And I like this one even better, again from I Love Lucy:
“You know something, Lucy?”
“No, what?”
“Being married to you is not easy, but it sure is a lot of fun.”

I have felt bitterness at many times in my life and it does damage both to me and to the relationship. It’s obviously best not to let it take hold of us. —But how?

There are several very good ways to go about doing that.
The first way is to look at scripture (Yeah I know, big surprise coming from a preacher, right?)
Just give these a try:

Colossians 3:18NLT “Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting for those who belong to the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and don’t be bitter towards them.”

Hebrew 12:14-15NLT “14Work at living in peace with everyone, and work at living a holy life, for those who are not holy will not see the Lord. 15Look after each other so that none of you fails to receive the grace of God. Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many.”

And of course the scripture I read to you at the beginning of my message.

No foul language is to come from your mouth.
Of course, plenty of couples tease each other – I sure hope they do. A strong dose of sarcasm once in a while will do everyone some good.
Teasing between friends and in couples is very healthy and I think it is some of the best fun you will ever have. But it’s crossing that line into hurt feelings is what we need to be mindful of.

It is supposed to be fun together, not fun at the other’s expense.
We have all hurt others with our words. Recognizing it early and apologizing clearly and directly for the comment often clears the smoke pretty well.
I’m not telling you anything new I’m sure. But I have known men with a great sense of humor that get carried away with comments despite how hurt their women may get.

Also from our verse, “Don’t let the sun go down your anger, and give the Devil an opportunity.” Don’t go to bed angry – has anyone ever heard that one? (of course we have)

This is a drawback to putting off fighting. It is very possible one person is staying quiet, not because they are giving their feelings considerable thought, but because they have decided to bottle their feelings instead of voice them. That leaves the person being quiet with a lack of validation. Sadly, the other person isn’t even given the chance to validate those feelings and now has no way of knowing the person they love is hurt.

For Crystal and I, admittedly there were several times in our relationship when we hit a very hard rock bottom. I still struggle with it regularly, but my failure to validate her feelings has caused more than one crash. Validation is huge and it needs to happen. Take it from a guy who learned this the hard way.

Here is another drawback to putting off fighting:
If you aren’t growing together, you are growing apart. That is the truth. And even though I verbalized that in the formative years of our relationship, I seemed to have forgotten it on several occasions. No putting off fighting allows you to grow together.

Outside of drawing what you can from scripture, Crystal and I have found a perspective we heard about once at a marriage retreat. Have you heard of the 5 love languages? There are 5 ways a person can be shown love and everyone has one that speaks loudest. They are: Words of affirmation, Acts of kindness, physical affection, gift giving, and quality time.

I am a words and acts guy. When Crystal does something for me, I know she loves me because of what she does and the things she says. She cooks for me, she handles the finances for me, and when we go on vacations, she packs my suitcase (because I’ll probably forget something anyway.) Unfortunately, I tend to expect Crystal needs to hear those things are of course important and do reveal my love, but not in the special way she hears it. Her focus is on Quality time. If I’m not intentional about offering my time, if I’m not giving her any attention, then I’m not speaking her language.

I may be better at it than I used to be, but admittedly, I know I will be spending the rest of our lives together trying to get better at it.

The week before we left to move here, Crystal was talking with our friend who was having some trouble. This friend asked if she could stay with us because she and her husband had been fighting all week.She said the bottom line of the fighting was that she just wanted an apology With our house 98% packed, we couldn’t accommodate her and her children. Crystal told her that she needed to go ahead and forgive her husband, even if he didn’t apologize soon. She told our friend that we aren’t still together because stuff didn’t have stuff happen. We had to figure out how to make it work and we had to find a way to forgive each other.

The last thing Crystal told our friend is that things have been different since we started praying together

Let me use the illustration of a braid. When you look at a braid, it looks like there are only two strands weaving in and out of one another. Even though you only ever see two strands, the reality is that it takes three strands to make a braid work. You may only see the two people in a couple, but they can only be tightly woven together with a third strand: God. The way to do that is through prayer.

It is hard to pray together because it makes us vulnerable. But it’s the piece we were missing all these years, and when we remember to pray, things only get better. We still have bad days but we know that if we’re willing to be vulnerable with each other through prayer, God will see us through.

To wrap up, I want to leave you with one more quote, something I heard in a romantic comedy once, “[Son,] some days your mother and I loved each other. Other days we had to work at it. You never see the hard days in a photo album… but those are the ones that get you from one happy snapshot to the next.”

Photo albums don’t tell the whole story. We may not take pictures of the sick kids or the fights, but weaving God into your relationships is what will bring you through those hard moments.

I pray that each of you has many love-filled years with ones in your lives.
Amen.